I try to keep whiny introspective blogging to a minimum around here, but I allow myself about one or two of these a year anyway. So here we go.
I just finished my last final for the semester and feel completely brain-fried. That must mean it’s time to do a little semester re-cap.
To begin, this has been, without a doubt, my hardest semester of college so far. I’m the editor in chief of our weekly newspaper here at Drew. I took three classes (usually four, but I could afford to take one less to deal with everything else). I also worked three days a week for Limmud NY. And romantically, I’ve had a pretty disastrous time (as usual, but also worse than usual).
I’m told by some housemates at their most encouraging and mushy that they think I’ve grown as a person and been friendlier and kinder, which is good. Except that I can’t see that. I feel more bitter and cynical than ever.
It may sound odd coming from me, but I used to believe that people in positions of power were generally well-intentioned people. Not that I thought they always did everything right, but that I believed they always want to do the right thing. My attitude toward authority has shifted dramatically this semester, mostly because of some interaction I’ve had with administrators and student government folks here at school.
I also announced this semester that I was putting an end to my association with organized Reform Judaism. I still feel a part of the Reform intellectual community, but organizationally, liturgically, and in terms of leadership I feel that the organized Reform world has failed me and told me in numerous ways in recent years that it doesn’t want me. I kept getting told how smart and promising I was, but I couldn’t find anyone interested in doing anything that I or the rest of what I’d call the Reform intellectual community is saying.
I’ve now been writing at Jewschool for about nine months and I still feel like a kid in a candy shop every time I log in to the administrative side of the site and post something.
I’ve definitely learned more about who I am and what I want that I ever have before. Unfortunately, I’m not entirely happy with what I discovered.
I’m gonna go spend a few days in Denver with best friend Leslie Bass in a couple of weeks.
I’m gonna do a senior thesis about religion and science fiction.
And I’m gonna go back to Israel for a semester in the fall (probably).
So Chappy Chanukah and let’s hope next semester is an improvement.
I think I need a haircut.