The following, as suggested by the title, is the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard.
I like Coke. I like frozen Coke even more. Here in Israel, they sell Coke in 1.5L plastic bottles, one of which I purchased the other day. I opened it up, drank it down to the label, and put it in the freezer. I drank it down knowing that things tend to expand when they freeze.
Today, after first period AP English, I took the bottle out of the freezer. It was a good thing that I had already has some of it because when I opened it, I discovered that it had expanded so much that is was full to the absolute top of the bottle. I was having a conversation of my roommate Eric (whom there are pictures of somewhere in the post about archaeology at Tel Maresha) and as we were talking, I set the bottle down on our kitchenette counter and began to lick, then suck on, the top of the bottle. After no more than 5 seconds of this, the bottle exploded into my face!
The bottle itself remained intact, though about half of the frozen coke inside exploded upward into my throat and out through my nose. Bewildered and in shock, I staggered backwards as the Coke continued to shoot upward of one foot into the air and all over our room. In complete shock and near-debilitating pain, I saw Eric’s jaw drop and he was just standing there with his eyes and mouth wide, shaking his head in shock. After maybe 3 seconds of shock, Eric began to laugh uncontrolably. As the Coke exploded into my face I literally thought my head was exploding or had been severed or something.
As this was all in progress, a girl, Jeri, walked in and then ran out thinking I had just projectile vomitted all over the place. I managed to go the bathroom and take my shirt off, which was covered in forzen Coke chunks. I felt like there might be Coke in my lungs or that my uvula had been removed.
In Eric’s words: “He came out of the bathroom with no shirt on and a blank expression of “What the fuck just happened to me?!” on his face with tear streaks coming down his face. I couldn’t stop laughing!”
I honestly thought I was dead for a moment.
Anyway, it took for damn ever to clean and even now there are many sticky surfaces in our room.
And the sound! As it exploded, the bottle made the most unbelievably loud roar into my face!
Before dinner, afraid I wouldn’t be able to swallow solid food because my throat hurt so unbelievable badly, I took a flashlight and shined it into my thoat and looked into the mirror to see how it looked. It looked as though some little gnome had crawled into the back of my throat with a rake and scraped the tissue raw. My front teeth hurt too, though I don’t know why. Tomorrow, I’m going to the morning clinic they have on the kibbutz to see if it is serious.
Probably tomorrow, maybe the next day, I will be posting a massive recap of Rosh Hashanah weekend.
Live from Israel: DAVID CAN’T SWALLOW SOLID FOODS!
UPDATE: As of about 10:30 this evening my good friend Charlotte has given me some honey lemon throat lozenges which are actually helpinng my throat not die.